Broken Hearts, Lost Hopes

April 12, 2018

The hardest thing to heal is a broken heart, it's the one thing every one has in common if they like to admit it or not. Every one experiences heart ache. It seems to be the base behind everything harmful, and even most things good, as it's a form of running from it, hiding it or trying to heal it. 

It takes time, time for the strong intensity of the sting to calm down. To be forced to move a head in life with the pain of what was. Regardless if it is a break up or a death, the impact of having to continue your tomorrows without that person or even pet, is hard to accept. 

The sense of betrayal holds strong in the wake of the moment, the disbelief of the fact that life ended up being a lie. The fact that the person you trusted to be there in your coming days, is not. A mother that lost her son, the son she had visions of driving his first car, his first serious girlfriend, first child, the spouse that was to grow old with you had decided to choose someone else to do that with. Its not just the past that hurts, it's the lost future that seems unbearable to get to.  The concept of what do I do now, how do I continue with my days. And the sad fact is, you do continue with those days. How hard it is to get threw those days depends on your reaction to them.

To try and pull from the past what is not in your present, to be in your future creates a lot stress. To try and make someone do and be what they promised in the first place, to take back the lie and make the promise true again. I see it like turning towards your yesterday to pull it into to today so you pull it into tomorrow instead of facing today as it is. Different.  

It is so hard to move forward in each individual moment, and take it as nothing more then just an opportunity to breathe and let it be what it will be. At times it will be tear filled, and at times nothing. Not even a thought. It's important to let the moments slip by and not pull forward what is not there. This is phase of acceptance. It's not only just accepting the painful instance happened, but it's also accepting a moment where you let the pain stop. IF you let the pain stop, it will begin to stop. Too often we hurt so bad that it feels like we could die just from the infliction of that pain.

This is not where I'm gonna say it just makes you stronger, as when people say that to me in times like that, it just feels like they are not sympathetic, understanding or compassionate about my pain, and that makes the pain worse as you now also feel so alone and misunderstood and invalidated for the way you feel . This can create a vicious cycle of hiding your true feelings, lying to yourself that you are fine, and stuffing down or trying to ignore those feelings to appease to someone else's opinion of where you are in your moment of grief. And yes, leaving a friendship, lover relationship, or cutting people out of your life - is a grieving process. 

When the words - just let it go, are heard, there is a misconception of the real meaning of that advice. It's the pain that is now associated with them. Too often we hold onto and treasure that pain as it was the last thing of them we had, so we hold on. As to let go, feels like letting go of them and leaving them behind, because we wanted so badly to have a future with them, and at least the pain brings them to the future with us. Sadly that's all it brings, is pain. It is leaving the person behind, and starting a new path in life. IF they come back around, then you will see things in a new light. 

A person has to find a new hope that does not involve the one they lost, and concentrate on those. The hopes you had that did not include the other person before, you need to continue to have hope in. This is the areas where you are you, not your pain. 

The key to letting go, and healing that broken heart, is to be in the moment, and let yourself - yes you have to let yourself see the peace that is available if you choose it, to see the the things to be happy about, and even if its just the color of your shirt. See the good in the bad, don't make everything that bad thing that broke your heart. Let yourself be ok in the moments that present themselves where you can be ok. 

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When one grows more and more,

you grow into something you were not

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